Unlocking the Creative

Grace and Peace Friends,

Over a year ago, I was attending an event alongside this gym in Durham. As I watched this group of people rowing together and then running together, it completely intrigued me. I decided to look into it and it turned out to be CrossFit Durham. 

CrossFit has three pillars to its exercise philosophy. One is “ fully functional.” The exercises that we do in CrossFit, mimic functional movement from squatting to running to even the dreaded burpees. Two is “high intensity.” It is better to be intense for a shorter period of time then to go for a long time with less intensity. Three is “constantly varied.” The element of change keeps your body (and mind) engaged.  So, I started their CrossFit Boot Camp and I have since learned many things about their program and about myself.

The first day of bootcamp I woke up at 4am, absolutely nervous. I felt like I was in elementary school gym class again and all those fears of mockery, rejection, and inability resurfaced. But one of my life’s cry has been “Lord, let me experience that which I fear so that it will not have a hold on me.” Golly, this life of faith is just not always easy! 

That first day… I thought I would die. But I knew I had to conquer my fear so I have kept up with it for over a year now and it’s become a part of my lifestyle. One of the first benefits was the I was able to make a complete recover from having my Achilles tendon surgery. Two, besides feeling better, there are several things that I have learned along the way.

One: there’s a difference between being fast and strong. As much as I don’t want to admit it, I am one of the slowest people in the class. Every session I have to fight the feeling of inadequacies because of my slowness. However the other day I realized I had other qualities. We were doing 10 rounds of 10 kettle bell swings and 100 meter run. My kettle bell swings are with 35 lbs. and our coach told me I could increase the weight. Though most of my classmates sped through the exercise, I was carrying more kettle bell weight that they were. The reality is, I don’t need to compare. We all have our individual strengths and the goal is fitness, not beating others. We all have different assets and I may not be good at the most obvious one but it doesn’t negate the other areas that I am strong. I can celebrate my successes even if they are different from most everyone else.

Two:  we had a work-out that we were warned before-hand was mostly about mental toughness. The consequence for breaking the exercise was having to do burpees.  I tell you what… I was 100% motivated to not do burpees! So, I applied myself and I got that exercise done within the recommended time without doing ANY burpees. But what was fascinating is that a couple of the top guys in our class completely folded with this exercise. It took them almost double the time and they struggled like no other exercise we did before or since then. I realized that it wasn’t just about not doing burpees that got me through it. I have had to develop mental fortitude to conquer my fears to just show up for this class. Mental strength really is an important aspect of sustainable exercise.

Three: I love group class! Why? It helps provide a rhythm and pace that does not happen when it’s just me. Others can pull out of us what we cannot always reach within to pull out. But the other day, one of the folks that I feel comfortable around in the class was absent. And in the spot where those people normally do their exercises, the top dog in our class decided to make his station for the day. Can I tell you, it kind of flipped me out and those feelings of inadequacy swelled up. We were doing a repeat work out to see our improvement, and I shaved a 1 minute and half off of the routine! Why? Was I that more fit in a month? Maybe a little. But I think it had to do with proximity. Instead of gauging my pace with those I feel comfortable with, I was gauging with someone light years ahead and it pulled something extra out of me. It made me think: am I willing to go outside of my comfort zone in other areas of my life to walk with those that are farther ahead than I am? What might happen if I did that?

Four: I count even if I am not the best. The first few bootcamps I did on my own and I showed up at 7:18am every time. Then Ashley, our coach, from her heart said, “Wendy, the class starts at 7:15.” Instantly she apologized but I was so grateful for that kind rebuke. Why?  I could tell it was out of love/care and it was the first time that I realized that I mattered and that I really was part of the class. So many times I walk into a room and hope to be invisible and embrace that underlying belief that I don’t count or matter. But I realized in that moment, that even in small ways, I do impact others. I have been more on time since that day than ever before in my life.

Five: I need community. The first few boot camps I attended as I mentioned, I was late. The mental battles that went on from 6:07am to 6:53am were constant and not always won. But then two things happened. First, my sister, Jessica joined me at the early morning classes. Second,  I received the gift of Nana, who is now my foster daughter. Jessica calls me every morning to make sure I am awake and Nana needs to catch her bus just after 7am which gets me to class at 7:12 every time. Without that relational net, I would still be showing up at 7:18am. I am grateful.

Six: it’s okay to modify. My tendencies are to be an all or nothing type of gal. But in our routines, there are some things that I just truly physically struggle with doing. But instead of condemning myself and not participating, Ashley will modify the routine for me. And let me tell you, I still get a big work out. My victories come even in the process.

Seven: It’s important to have a great coach. Ashley has been the coach for all the bootcamps. Everyone knows my name because of the frequency with which it is called. However I am grateful because she is committed to proper form. She wants the best for us which means she is committed to sharing what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. Additionally, she has been the one that keeps calling me to another level of strength. She has a perspective of experience that has helped me to do things I didn’t know or think I could do.

This experience has been great for me as I normally do not pursue that which I am inadequate in however I knew I needed a strong exercise routine so it was worth the pain to conquer this area of my life.

There are so many lessons that can apply to different spheres in my life. I am grateful for CrossFit. 

Wendy

The other day a friend and I were catching up. She was casually talking about an organization she was associated with and stated that the leader was incredibly talented, but had low capacity. She also mentioned that others see the high talent and mistake it for capacity. What's the difference? Talent is the shining star who takes center stage and receives all the accolades while capacity is the ability to visualize and build the stage. Capacity means creatively manage resources for the betterment of the whole and stewarding the talent of the people around them. While talent allows us to rise to the top faster, capacity allows us to stay there once we arrive.

As she spoke, it totally rang true for me. I thought through several situations that I have been in and I realized how often I have mistaken talent for capacity and the truth is they are two very different things. Although this conversation was several weeks ago, sometimes there are thoughts that need to simmer and then they unlock clarity unlike any other thoughts. This was one of them.

First- I realized I am a low talent type of gal but have developed a good foundation for capacity. When I have said that to a few friends they want to console me with "That’s not true!" However, I actually take comfort in it. Growing up, I wasn’t the smartest, the fastest, the prettiest, the most musical, or the most artistic.It’s been a struggle to rationalize my life’s calling (even to myself!) as it wasn’t as immediately obvious as it might be for those who have more visible talent.
But I think I do have three subtle talents that have helped cultivate capacity. The first one is that I am teachable. I am always willing to learn and hence always willing to change. Being willing to change allows me to discover the lies that I believe about myself and the world around me. Our willingness to discover and deal with the lies we believe, are a key limit or boundary to our ability to cultivate capacity.

Secondly- I have a gift of friendship. Loneliness and pain were my companions growing up but at key times in my childhood, there were a few people that looked past my circumstances and gave me the gift of friendship. It was that friendship that created a bridge to me continuing to have hope. Because I was so grateful to them, all I could do was commit to developing that gift of friendship and sharing it with others along life’s way. Even as I am writing this, I truly believe that friendship has probably brought more healing and hope to my life (and in the lives of those around me) than any therapy/ministry I can think of.

Thirdly- I have the gifting of being persistent or as some others may call it, stubbornness. Whether it is Winston Churchill or Joyce Meyers - a key value I have gleaned from their lives is that the choice is available to whosoever will to never, never, NEVER give up.

 I think having this persistence, and it being linked to teachability and friendship, has really been a secret to success for my life as well as great ingredients for creating capacity.

As I looked up in the 1828 Dictionary talent and capacity, I gained new clarity that I wasn’t expecting. To summarize- capacity is a passive power; it’s the ability to receive. Talent, however, is an active power; it’s the ability to give.

One of my various “random thoughts”  has been that life is truly about giving and receiving. Often times the Enemy will twist or damage some aspect of giving and receiving for us and that in turn is what causes damage in our relationships with both God and man.

Our physical heart is a great picture of what healthy giving and receiving looks like. The heart has two receiving valves and two giving valves. One set receives oxygenated blood from the lungs and the other gives/releases the oxygenated blood into your body. In a similar way, we need to have healthy giving and receiving valves with people as well as unblocked giving and receiving valves with the Lord. Often, you can see in people's lives where the breakdown of relationships has damaged or blocked one or more valves in their lives and it just causes them continued pain.

Part of my life journey has been the Lord healing and unblocking those receiving valves in my life that were so damaged. But most of the time, I associate receiving with an entitlement mentality. But the reality is that healthy receiving IS a part of capacity. I read a book about healthy giving and in their last point, they asked you to try and only exhale and not breath in. Their point is that we have to breath in AND out or we will only live for a few moments. Part of healthy giving, truly is healthy receiving.

So, Wendy Clark- what’s the difference between entitlement and healthy receiving? At this point (and I reserve the right to add to or change this thought) it is how you steward what you receive. I ask myself: is what I receive for my own consumption only or is it for what our Lord might desire? The weight of that call to stewardship is what keeps me on my knees.

Cultivating my talent is what builds up healthy giving valves. Cultivating capacity, builds up my receiving valves. We need to cultivate both.

Wendy